By Dr. Don Dunlap
Pastoral Counselor
When husbands and wives reach an impasse, they must be willing to get objective, outside help.
Family Counseling Ministries -
Marriage partners can easily detect when their spouse is
offering a half-hearted apology. When we offend our husband or wife, we must
pray that God will bring us to a point of genuine grief over the sins that we
have committed against him or her. Although neither spouse has the right to
judge the offender’s depth of sincerity, true brokenness over sin goes a long
way toward restoring peace and harmony to the marriage relationship.
One way to express humility before the Lord is to ask Him to
allow us to understand the offense as it has been viewed through our partner’s
eyes. As God describes it in His Word, what often appears to be a splinter of
an offense in our own perspective is frequently perceived as a log-size offense
in the eyes of the person we have offended.
As we invite God to break our hearts with our sin, we come
to realize the awfulness of the hurt that we have inflicted upon our spouse. We
should ask the Lord to grant us tears of contrition for our sin, as a way of
demonstrating to our mate the genuineness of our repentance.
If it becomes necessary, we must be willing to humble
ourselves by getting outside help. There are times in many marriage
relationships when both parties reach an impasse in communication. In spite of
every attempt the couple makes to work out a solution, the pervasive problem
seems to follow a predictable pattern, and invariably ends in a deadlock of
frustration and further alienation.
One partner may try the manipulative approach in an
attempt to avoid facing the conflict squarely. “Let’s just forget the whole
thing. It’s all my fault,” he or she may claim, hoping to postpone the misery.
This is a dead-end attempt and only serves to compound the problem. There is no
shame in needing objective help. Most marriages—even healthy, growing
ones—experience such a need at one time or another.
In James 4:6 we read,
God resists the proud but He gives grace to the humble.
We only hurt ourselves when we are too proud to ask others
for intervention and help. Couples who are experiencing marital difficulties
should seek the advice of their pastors, or ask for counsel from wise and
trusted Christian friends who will advise them from the Word of God. They
should follow the exhortation found in James 5:16,
Confess your sins to one another that you might be healed.
God did not design us to live our lives independently, but
rather to live our lives interdependently. We need other Christians to sharpen
us, to counsel us, to encourage us and speak the truth in love to us—whether we
think we need to hear it, or not.
God is a very present help in time of need. Nothing is too
difficult for Him. He is able and willing to heal broken relationships when we
admit our need for Him. If we cry out to the Rock of our salvation, we will
find healing.
Dr. Don
Dunlap, a pioneer in the placement of Pastoral Counselors in the offices of
Christian physicians, has conducted over twenty thousand appointments during
his ministerial career. His counseling practice includes adults, children and
families in crisis. Dr. Dunlap is committed to facilitating a network of
telephone counselors. His goal is to provide help for the many people unable to
meet face to face with a competent Bible-based counselor. For a complete
library of Dr. Dunlap’s articles, indexed by topic, go to Family Counseling Ministries. You
may also make an appointment for personal telephone counseling by clicking on Family Counseling Ministries.
Family Counseling Ministries is a Christianity.com
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